Moments

There are moments in life that you know, even while they're happening, that afterwards you'll never be the same. Whether they are good or bad. You just know. From now on - I'm changed. Some are monumental events others are more happenstance. Your wedding day, birth of a child, Salvation... those are some big milestones. These moments affect your life, maybe in ways you never expected.
One of those moments in my life came in October of my senior year of high school. It was a Friday morning. I think it was rainy that day. I was rushing into school, as usual, when a classmate grabbed me and told me one of our friends had committed suicide. I heard her but went on with my routine. About a hour later, at a school assembly called to discuss the tragedy, it hit me. Brandon was one of my good friends. He had changed schools the previous year and I hadn't seen him in a while, but we talked often and he knew he could count on me and vice versa. I feel to pieces as teachers and school staff discussed the situation. They told us we shouldn't go to the hospital and wouldn't let me leave after the meeting. I distinctly remember trying hysterically to get around several teachers because I wanted to see him. I never went. I regret that. They put Brandon on life support that Friday and he "lived" until Sunday when they unplugged his machine. My friends spent a lot of time together that weekend praying and crying together. The following Monday a bunch of us went to his house to see his mom. I'll never forget walking into that familiar living room and seeing his letter jacket hanging on the coat rack and how his mother clung to me as we cried. The next day I went to the funeral home to see his body. My mom thought it'd be a good idea to be prepared. That was awful! His casket was filled with mementos and trinkets from friends. I added one of my own and continued to mourn. His service was packed and the only two things I really remember about that is they played Creed's With Arms Wide Open and when I hugged his mom she told me that Brandon had told her I was his "back-up wife" and that he loved me a lot. As we exited the funeral home, experiencing the loss of someone my age for the first time, several of us piled into a friends Mustang. We put the top down and sang all the way to the cemetery, remembering our friend. Knowing he'd have been the life of the party even that day. We had an empty chair for him at graduation and gave his mom a flower. He would've turned 28 today. His last birthday was 10 years ago. How is that possible? I remember his birthday and death day every year. It just always comes to my mind. I don't do it on purpose.
I loved Brandon. He was a good friend. His life and death have profoundly affected my life and continue to do so. He is one of my moments.