We got our re-application packet today in the mail! Things are getting so very real. My heart just feels so full every time I think of our Tootsie. On and off throughout the day I'm reminded that soon our family of three will add a fourth. Sometimes it's in excited anticipation, other times it's wondering how I will manage with two babies only 20 months apart and other its just a sweet peace that fills my heart to know that I'm going to get to be a momma of two. Lately the big brother has been giving me a run for my money because he's decided sleep is overrated. I find myself to be short and easily frustrated with my current two boys and I wonder how adding another will work. But I know that this sweet baby was made to be ours, just like Tucker was, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will make it because we have to and because God doesn't give us more then we can handle.
Our Birth Mom, K, STILL has not been to the doctor and it's making me really anxious. I don't know why she's putting off going, but we are waiting to make this adoption public knowledge until we have a due date and know that things are ok. Because of the anticipation of making our big announcement and (lets be honest) my lack of control over the situation her not going has been weighing heavy on my mind. I want to know Tootsie is ok and things are looking good. I want to know K is doing well and making good choices. I want to hear a sweet little heartbeat. I want to know when we can expect this blessing to arrive. I want to know when we get to find out if Tuck will have a little brother or sister. I want to plan another nursery. All of these things are just that...wants. I know God is in control of this situation and I need to trust Him. I know He's capable of keeping Tootsie safe regardless of K or anything doctors can do. I know all of this is part of His plan. But it does make me question K and why she isn't going. In my scariest moments I wonder if she's even pregnant or if she was just using us for something. I hate that I don't feel like I can trust her word. All we can do is keep encouraging her to go to the doctor and get the ball rolling. She needs to see us be consistent and see us loving her as well as the babies she's placed in our lives.
I think that's really all that's going on. We are heading to Falls Creek next week and after we get home we are really going to get rolling in our re-application process. A home study update, grant applications and fundraising! Any fundraiser ideas from my blog friends would be greatly appreciated!
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