Let me see your Tootsie Roll...

Since June 7th, Chris and I have been counting down the days until we could share some big news with everyone in our world. Our Birth Mom was pregnant again and on June 7th asked if we would adopt this baby as well. We were beyond thrilled and a little nervous to have two babies under two. We had told our families and a few close friends and there were also a few people we slipped up in front of that knew were planning to welcome the fourth Gordon close to the first of 2012. My niece, who will be four in August, aptly named the new baby Tootsie Roll until we found out the sex. I have been writing, but not publishing blogs to our little Tootsie Roll and may still publish them someday. It feels too fresh right now, but I do want to have them for memory's sake. Needless to say, everyone was super excited, not only to adopt again, but to have the 5t for that second adoption to be a half sibling of Tucker's.
Today at 1:15 K, our Birth Mom, called and said her water broke and after a long afternoon of phone calls from her and our adoption agency, it was determined that it was amitotic fluid that she was leaking and because she was only 14 weeks along the baby's organs aren't developed enough to sustain its little life. They induced her labor around 5:30 tonight.
We are heartbroken and unsure of how to feel and process. Adoption makes a miscarriage different. We're apart of the puzzle at this point even though had the baby made it full term we would have been a much larger piece. I don't know how to feel, how to grieve. It's also different then if I had miscarried. My heart hurts for K as much as it does for us. She has very little support and people to come along side her and love her through this hardship. We have lots of family and a host of church family members and friends to lean on. She is the one actually have to go through the trauma of the events of today as well as the entire 14 weeks of this pregnancy. She has wrestled with deciding to parent or place, and through that had to recognize a lot of personal inadequacies (both physical and emotional). All of this is a lot of me to process as a (fairly) stable 28 year old married woman, little alone a 21 year old single mom with no family.
Please pray for all of us as we process and heal. Pray for K as she continues to face rough days, both in conjunction with this miscarriage and just how her life is unfolding. Pray for peace that passes understanding and the opportunity for us to share why we have a Hope during such a hard situation. Pray for K's salvation. Pray for the future of our family and clarity on what and when the next addition will be. After preparing our hearts to have another baby so soon we will be seeking the Lord's direction for when and how to pursue Baby #2.