Baby Steps

*When I started working on Tucker's 11 mo. post I found this I had never published. It's from three weeks ago!

Our lives are all marked with steps and transitions and milestones. Some are huge steps, but most of the time baby steps come first. In my life baby steps are extremely evident in retrospect. Some of those felt like such a big deal on the day I took them, but as the future met me I realized that those steps had been part of my preparation.
Becoming a mother was full of steps for me. It started "trying" and that was ok for a while. Then it was frustrating and emotional and just plain hard. Then we added doctors. Not one single part of that adventure was fun. It was more of the same. My poor husband and family bore the wrath when three years worth of continual counting, timing, trying, doctors visits, about 100 other people getting my wish with little effort, tears, tests and negatives continued to be my answer.
But God knew. He knew that I needed to take those steps. He watched me fall and fail for three years. He was there with every negative I received. And He knew all that we were going through would be worth it. He heard my cries of anger and hurt.
When you go through the adoption process there are a LOT of steps. Paperwork, classes, interviews, paperwork, waiting, paperwork, background checks, paperwork, profile books, home studies and did I mention paperwork? And even after we were matched more baby steps waited. Meeting our birth mom, going to doctors appointments, getting our house and life ready for a baby in three weeks... but boy was he worth it!
All of these steps were necessary for me to get to enjoy watching Tucker take actual baby steps. He can walk! On February 11th he took his first step and since then has been taking a couple of steps at a time before he falls. He wasn't so sure about it. But Sunday night (Feb. 27th) he started really letting go and taking 10-15 steps at a time. Since then he is getting braver every day and walking alone. He is amazing. Watching him walk and feeling the excitement of this accomplishment is overwhelming. Realizing how quickly time is passing with him makes me cry, but also feel overwhelmingly proud. Proud of his accomplishment. Proud to get to witness it. Proud to be his Momma.
As he is learning to walk I'm realizing that Tucker is teaching me some lessons about baby steps and there place in our lives. It hurts sometimes when he falls, but he knows his parents are close by to dust him off and help him up. God the Father plays that same role in our lives. It's amazing how much my perspective of that part of God's character has changed and is understood now that I'm a parent.
I can't believe Tucker is walking! How has ten months passed and I now have a fully mobile baby? I don't know. It just doesn't seem possible. On one hand I'm so excited and love watching him learn this new skill. On the other hand I tear up almost every time because I can't believe he's so big and how fast time is flying. No one tells you when you have a baby that they aren't babies for even a whole year. I guess I always thought I had a year to have a little baby. But that's not the case. It goes quickly and even though I'm trying to absorb everything and keep it as a treasure in my heart, it's hard.
Here is a link to watch those first steps!