To The Woman I Can Never Be...

To the woman who carries my baby,

My heart rejoices and breaks at the same time for you and over your choice.
I rejoice because you are giving my baby life. You are doing something that I will probably never be able to do. You are allowing him time to grow and to use your body as his nourishment, shelter and sustainer. I can't begin to imagine how that feels. To have a tiny human rolling around inside you, kicking and stretching your body to its limits. I'm so thankful you chose life for my boy. I'm grateful you chose Chris & I to be his parents based only on pictures and some get-to-know-you facts. We are waiting anxiously to meet this beautiful boy and to grow our family. We are busy planning and painting and washing and arranging. We want to be ready when the time comes to come get our baby.
But as I sit intoxicated by smell of baby lotion and overwhelmed by the nursery ideas, sweet tiny outfits, and thoughts of what those first days with a new baby will be like -- my stomach also ties in knots for you and the choice you are making. There is something about a mother placing her baby in someone else's arms for care that is gut wrenching. It is the ultimate sacrifice. I can't imagine anything more difficult. I think dying would be easier. Making these tremendously tough choices is something I think only a mother's heart is capable of. Despite everything we want, we choose what is best for that little life. Some of us make small sacrifices like alone time, new things for ourselves or eating hot meals, but Birth Mothers truly give all. You are trusting me to raise your son and love him in a way that usually only comes from one woman. My boys are so blessed because they are loved that unconditionally by two Mommas. Both of us will always do what we think is in his best interests. Both of us will wonder about the man he will become and pray for him despite his choices, attitudes or behaviors.
I am sad that I will never get to see you or know your name. I won't get to tell you the things that I hope you know. I won't get to share our son's victories and disappointments with you. But no matter what you and I are forever linked because we are both doing something the other couldn't in order to make our son. I am honored to be his Momma. I'm anxious to know him. I'm excited for the journey.
We are going to name him Bennett Harris. Harris is my grandmother's maiden name and we are so privileged to get to share a family name with our newest member. She is so excited we've chosen that name and said how honored her daddy would've been to know that someone was carrying on his name.
I promise we will always have his best interests at heart and will parent him the best way we know how. We will love him unconditionally. We will do our best to guide his decisions and help him know Jesus. We pray that he will love God and people with a special compassion. We welcome him with open arms and hearts.
I'm praying for you all the time because I know how much I'm thinking of this baby and know his every move keeps him on the fore front of your mind as well. May God give you strength, grace, peace, continued wisdom and comfort only the Almighty can provide as you finish this pregnancy. May you continue to place Bennett's needs before your own and be encouraged by the decisions you have made. Thank you for choosing us. We will always strive to live up to the honor of being his family.

All my love,
McKenzie