Asking The MOST

In 2006 I entered into a covenant relationship with Chris Gordon. I agreed to life with him. I willingly said "I do" and we started a partnership that has been good. We work well together. We have not been without our share of bumps, disagreements, growing pains and hardships, but we've always been able to work through the things that have come up because we have always been on the same team, the same page, working toward the same end.
This weekend he asked me to do something that I do NOT want to even entertain, little alone do. He told me that he thinks we are being called by God to move to Wake Forest, North Carolina for him to attend seminary at Southeastern.

Before this life altering statement our plan was to begin the steps to plant a church in Norman, Oklahoma. We were planning to attend a church planting conference in September in LA. To begin looking for ministry positions in the Norman area so we could live where we want to plant and begin to build relationships. All of this is 20 minutes from my family. Dream. Come. True. We have friends there. We know our way around. Our family is close. We love Norman and have always wanted to live there. 

But Chris came to me Friday and said instead he'd like us to move 20 hours away. To live in married student housing. With three little boys. Chris would be going to school full time, working to provide enough for us to get by on and being my only source of support. All five of us living in 1,000 square feet for at least three years, probably more. Little money. Far away. All alone. None of this sounds like a good idea to me. It sounds a lot like prison for me instead of the dream I'd pictured in Norman. 

We literally "know" five people there. I say "know" because it's not like we're close to them. We know of them. Barely acquaintances. Having three boys so small at the same time is hard and I cannot do it alone. I've had to have lots of help. I don't like to ask for it, but my family has stepped up in unbelievable ways. As have lots of friends in Sayre. They give of themselves and their time to help me out and give me enough sanity to scrape by some days. The thought of moving TWENTY hours away is really unthinkable. I don't know that I'll survive it. I've never lived that far away from my family, nor had any desire to. I have had lots of adventures, but I don't feel like we're in an adventuring season of life right now. We are still in survival mode in lots of ways. Day to day is all I can handle. It's a challenge.

The bottom line is I do not want to move across the country. The boys are part of the reason/excuse, but really I don't want to. We are really praying about it and I'm trying to be open to the idea, but it's hard to even ask the Lord what He wants in this situation because I already have my mind made up. I don't want Him to make me do this. I think that Chris is capable of being a fantastic pastor/church planter without seminary. I don't see that what he will gain will offset what moving there will cost all of us. I can see it as a benefit to Chris, but not to the four other members of our family or our marriage.
Trying to process this has dominated my thoughts all weekend and they don't get more positive. I don't want to go kicking and screaming and I don't think Chris would do that. But what are we supposed to do if one of us feels called to something the other does not? How does this scenario end in Happily Ever After? I don't know. Ugh.