Next Steps

Next. Sometimes next is a scary word. Sometimes it's exciting or nerve wrecking or unknown or an adventure. Sometimes it's all of those things in one.
A year and a half ago we received a phone call from a church asking for Chris's resume. This was the first call like this we'd received in three years! This was a big change because before that we had recieved calls pretty regularly. At the time we couldn't imagine leaving Sayre. Saying good bye to these students and people who have become our extended family. The ones who have helped us welcome our babies and supported us through thick and thin. It was really inconceivable. That oppertunity didn't pan out (for the best) but it made us start thinking through what would be next for our family.
Soon after that interview I discovered my woman crush - Jen Hatmaker. I love her. I want to be her best friend. I would love to go to Austin and stock her until she finally added me to her Tribe. I started reading her stuff and quickly gobbled up all she'd ever written. I also read a book her husband had written and began to become super burdened for doing ministry differently. She talks a lot about typical churches "blessing the blessed." That has rang in my heart for over a year. That's what we do. That's what our life's work is. Blessing blessed kids. Making sure they're entertained and engaged and kept comfortable. Not exactly what the Bible talks about. There's not a Beatitude that says, "Blessed are those who bless the bless for they shall be blessed even more." Nope. Jesus tended to look on the outskirts for followers. For people who would believe in Him with all they had. Without questions or reservations. Those who weren't all clean and shiny and expecting. The widows. The orphans. The prostitutes. The invalids. Those society would rather forget about then deal with. We still do that. We still push those who make us uncomfortable to the side expecting welfare programs to care for those who can't care for themselves. I don't want my boys to grow up and not know what need looks like. To become an adult with no idea of what struggles some people face. I want them to know how blessed they are to live where they live and have what they have. I don't want to compete with society and name brands and entertainment. I want them to know what it is to serve others and not think themselves any better then those they're serving. I want them to BE Jesus, not just know who He is.
When Chris was in high school he went on a mission trip to Montana (I think) he thought then he'd be a church planter some day. He's always had a heart for spreading the Gospel by means of church planting. When I brought that up to him after reading Jen Hatmaker he got excited too. We dreamed and talked about what we'd hope a church would look like. Programs and outreaches to those really in need. About being Jesus' hands and feet in a much more literal way then we've ever done in our life or ministry. But we didn't want to just go plant a church because it sounded cool or because we'd get to do things the way we wanted/thought they should be done. I guess mainly due to those thoughts we assumed that planting would maybe come later in our ministry, especially after we found out we were going to grow from a family of three to five really fast. So instead we readjusted our thoughts and prayers.
About a year ago Chris began to feel like he was supposed to transition from the role of Youth Minister to Pastor. He has grown and developed so much while we've been in Sayre and I can see the traits of a Pastor growing in him. He is a man I'd want to follow as my Pastor. He began sending resumes to churches all over the state of Oklahoma. Big. Small. City churches. Country churches. Older congregations. Younger ones. All different types of places. Only one church called him for an interview. We went and visited with FBC Amber, Ok in February. Everything looked really promising but quickly fell apart. The door closed and we went back to praying.
I should say I have not been even a little excited about the thought of being a pastor's wife. I don't think I fit into that mold of who I think a pastor's wife should be. I'm not precious. I don't sit on the front row or go forward to pray every week. I don't want to direct VBS or kids choir or ladies Bible study. Well maybe that last one, but I just have had a really hard time finding my place in this new avenue of ministry. I feel called to ministry too. And I've had a big part of our ministry the last seven years. I don't feel like I'm done or that motherhood is my only calling/ministry even though it does dominate my time right now. I still have a purpose outside of our house in ministry. I've prayed and tried and supported as best as I can, but I've just never been as excited about pastoring as the next stage as Chris has been. Not like I was about church planting a year and a half ago.
On July 6th Chris and I got a whole day to ourselves. I think this is the first time since Casen was born that we've had a whole day by ourselves. We drove to Norman for a concert (GARTH BROOKS!!!) and then came home. We had a lot of time in the car to talk. Like finish conversations and everything! Only parents of young children can truly appreciate how nice it is to finish a sentence or whole thought without interruption. Luxury at it's finest! We hashed a lot of things out and found out that both of our hearts were still drawn to planting. Not because there aren't enough churches. Not because others aren't doing it right. Not because another church hasn't hired us, but because we both feel an inexplicable drawing to it. Because it's the only thing we've both agreed on or been excited by. Because we've done our due diligence with looking for an existing church.
It looks like this is what's next for our family. There's an organization called Acts 29 that partners with planters and teaches and supports them. The way they go about things is really cool and just fits with our direction. They offer a bootcamp in September we're planning on attending to help flesh more of this thing out. There is much to happen and line up for this to continue past this dream stage, but it's exciting none the less to think of this new thing. New body. New way of doing church for our family and our boys.
I'm so excited to see how God works the details out and what this looks like further down the road. Hopeful. Excited. Anxious. Lots of emotions, but a confidence knowing the direction the Father has for us.